Marriage as an institution, is one which brings together two people who share the same interest, goals and aspiration. This common interest makes it easy for both to enter into a happy union which helps them journey along with one another, through supporting, edifying and living in the way that helps each other grow . In today’s society, marriage is ascribed different meanings, and this is in accord with what each person makes of it. This article will highlight the secrets to a successful, happy and a good marriage, as it is the bone of every healthy marriage.
The Ideals Of Marriage
Every marriage is unique, just as every individual participating in the marriage is unique. Therefore, It is pertinent to know, that a marriage becomes what you put in it, and not instead, a fantasy you create and expect to come to reality, using your imaginations.
Every person is a whole creature who ideally, is in no need to have another complete them. It is a harrowing experience to go through life believing you are half of a thing and need another to complete or fill you up. However, because life is a journey, a person at some point can decide to have someone who would be willing to journey along with them every step of the way. And this must be done in the interest of both parties. These ideals and many more are signs that you have a successful, happy and a good marriage.
It is pretty easy to detect a happy marriage or prepare for one, yourself. These following indicators are blaring signs that reveals you are in a successful marriage.
You Are Your Spouse’s Co-Sojourner
In every union is the coming together of two people; both as individuals and as a body. Marriage is like a journey of a long distance. In it, each person is a vehicle with a complete set of tyres, while having a spare to back them up. In the case of a long distance journey, having a spare in a vehicle, ensures confidence, peace of mind and guarantee of a smooth journey. This essentially means that when a flat tyre occurs, the spare is always present as a backup or replacement. This is until the burnt out tyre is nursed back to wellness
A good and responsible driver does not go out without a back up tyre. In the same way, he or she does not use their spare tyre as a completion for his original number of tyres. The spare guarantees safety and back up in every step of the journey without failure to fill in the gap when it is necessary. Ultimately, it is not a means to an end in the course of the journey. It is an end in itself. You are a spare tyre to your spouse, just as your spouse is a spare tyre to you.
There Exists Mutual Support
Every healthy relationship or marriage requires a consistent mutual support from each partner in the marriage. This is because for two people to walk together, there has to be an agreement from both parties. Support from each party is relevant in sustaining a healthy relationship, because as always, two good heads are better than one.
You Are Not Fulfilling A Social Obligation
Marriage in most part has been reduced to a duty or obligation designed for status, which allows people to hold a special privilege in the society. Given this contorted place which marriage holds today, it is difficult for people to get into a healthy relationship. Pressure to fulfill this role and ‘earn’ special rights as a married person becomes a motivation for marriage. This creates a space for endangerment of the individuals involved. Realistically, marriage involves the life of the individuals and not merely a supplier of their desired status or privileges.
Although you might get your desired result, however, those special privileges and status do not create a loving atmosphere that enables the two individuals thrive in the marriage. Instead, they exist for external affirmation and all the shallow, fleeting feeling it brings. Beyond external affirmation, marriage requires concrete commitment from self. When you are not prepared for marriage, your idea and the reality, are at odds with each other.
You Both Are Not Co-Dependents
Co-dependency in marriage is a kind of unhealthy attachment couples’ embrace, which widens the gap of identity loss. It creates silent rivalry and allows crack to grow wide given each partner’s dependence on the other for validation, rather than being able to generate it within themselves. Couples who are co-dependents obsessively depend on the other partner for affirmation. This is something they’ve erroneously come to expect as a feature that comes with marriage. They believe marriage automatically transfers their responsibility of self-care to their partner.
A partner’s happiness is a self-responsibility. Each person owe themselves to be happy individually. And when both come together, they share in each other’s happiness, creating for the marriage, the spice it needs to thrive. Giving another the responsibility for your happiness when you ought to do it for yourself, is an exhausting and unreasonable expectation. Just as having the ability to generate your own happiness is a great act of self-care towards yourself and honor to your marriage.
To avoid resentment and feeling constantly disappointed, learn to take care of your own needs; that is a major key to prevent co-dependency. Co-dependency is unsustainable. When the partner who does the heavy lifting is unable to meet up with their self-induced responsibility, the other grows intolerant and this leaves them sore. Additionally, it decapitates the expecting partner and renders them incapable.
All marriage is what each spouse in it, make of it. It is not a wish-list. Given the individuality of each person, nurturing individual needs for a collective growth is a key secret and surety to a successful, happy and good marriage.