The following are things you should consider before marriage.
Avoid Performance Monkey
It is often conflicting when someone says they want someone genuine in marriage, yet they demand that you bend yourself to please them in unhealthy ways. Part of this desire that you seek in the other is a quest to generate happiness for you. This does not only ruin the authenticity of the marriage, it also demands that people bend themselves out of shape. And as such, lock up their authentic selves.
This is not just detrimental to the other person; it is hazardous for you as well. It is important to seek the right partner for marriage. However, you need to consider the first and more important question that focuses on yourself: ‘Are you a right partner for another person?’ This critical question posits that even if you meet a person perfect in every sense of the word, and you are unfit, they automatically become the wrong partner. When you consciously invest in your growth towards marriage, you get to be in a better position to weed out things that you do not favor.
Therefore, for a marriage to live out its true purpose, the two people involved have to be in their full human regalia. Your partner’s personality is not for your entertainment. Accept them for their authentic self or leave for your future sake.
This is one very vital element that couples often ignore until they get into marriage. Just as medical incompatibility can create disorder in the lives of the couple. So it is that personality incompatibility can bring on as much mayhem in marriage. When something is an aversion for another and the other has an affinity for it, it is neither good nor bad that the one who hates it, does so. Just as it cannot be classified as wrong that the other prefers it. It simply means that both parties are not compatible. And in the interest of both, they either find a middle ground or go their separate ways.
Is it good or bad that a sickle cell carrier exist? Or that the one who is not a carrier exist? This goes to say that in each unique circumstance, decisions in the interest of each person involved, as it relates to their peace, would be the most constructive. This is personality compatibility. It is never good or bad that you want what you want and that they have a completely separate drive, different than yours. The consideration of constructive compatibility can save both party from impending danger before marriage takes effect.
While the money factor cannot be ruled out, certain measures must be put in place in relation. Money literacy and how financial expectation is distributed among couples takes its root in the erroneous effect of institutionalized socialization as we have it today. Therefore, decapitating the potential of one party as against how it allows the other to flourish in finance purring.
Importantly, take into consideration the financial plan you both would work towards and how you intend to get there. Also the investments and financial budget per time should be considered by both parties. This is one basic element you must consider before marriage, as many couple often assume their way around it. This either over-burdens one or makes another under-productive. It is often a major cause of stress and friction in marriage, however, it is also avoidable.
Emotional stability is a key feature for partners in any successful marriage. Without it, you cannot support another, and also it becomes practically impossible to support yourself. It is also as important that you do not get into a long-term agreement, such as marriage, with someone who is emotionally or mentally unstable. This does not just ensure for frustration, it breaks and burns you out in many ways. No one who truly loves himself or herself would willingly decide to cause themselves such harm.
Allow them sort out their own issue or you would be taking on more than you can handle. You cannot help anyone if they do not make the decision to help themselves. Neither can you change another. You only have power and authority over yourself in any given circumstance. An emotionally unstable person is one who is insecure and this manifests in myriads of ways. It would be beneficial to you both if you put your safety and mental health first as something to consider before you go into marriage. Clarity is necessary to achieve this.
Discuss a parenting technique that would involve both parents. This should be highly considered irrespective of the job (or not) each person keep. This will help each partner recharge for a healthier relationship with the other. Also in earnest, it benefits the children in growing a safety connection with both parents. Having this planned out from the beginning would help eliminate any friction that can arise from this in future. Moreover, if need be, partners can re-evaluate their roles and commitment in each other’s life as changes and progress set in.
It is important that you both treat as central, these elements, and discuss them early enough. As always, it is always in the interest of both couples to consider this before marriage.
In marriage, it is not enough to have the wish list. It is always wise and secure to take decisive and conscious steps that would promote peace between both parties involved. Most of the stressors and frustrations in marriage come from the choices each person makes. Consider the unresolved issues and things taken up by chance. Conscious decisions, follow-up commitments, and accountability are pivotal. Make healthy and conscious choices and you will keep your peace alongside a healthy marriage. You can amass more insights in this huffpost.