Do you often wonder why you seek external validation, and you find yourself asking, “How do I stop seeking validation?”
I get it.
It can be quite exhausting!
On the other hand, seeking an answer to the subject of self-validation is a very courageous act.
Self validation is an art that everyone need to learn; an art that determines your self-care as well as your life trajectory .
Studies have shown that people who validate themselves are more likely to take up space in life because they understand their worth and go for their goal without a crippling self-doubt.
Promise to come with me on this journey and together, we shall uncover all the layers surrounding this subject of ‘seeking self-validation’, and also find a lasting solution.
First, we shall acquaint ourselves with validation definition as it relates to the concept of self validation. We shall also be cross-referencing and shedding light on validation synonyms so you can have an in-depth understanding of how to deal with this crippling issue.
That said, let’s dive right in.
Validation refers to a state of acceptance of something, as it naturally or evidently is, without seeking to alter, adjust or twist into a preferable state. It simply means to accept without rebuttal.
To further shed light on this validation meaning, here are synonyms for validation according to google.
With this, you can understand that self validation is an act of recognizing or verifying oneself as authentic. It projects an unquestionable sense of self, which bears a person’s identity and reason.
What Does It Mean to Validate Yourself?
To validate yourself means to accept your mistakes, struggles, preferences, likes, dislikes, and every tiny detail that make up a part of you. These details are what form your identity as a person and they are as relevant to your prosperity, in every sphere of your life.It is okay to seek feeback from people. from time to time. Living for that feedback is where the problem lies. Click To TweetIt is okay to seek feedback from people from time to time. Living for that feedback is where the problem lies.
What Does It Mean To Seek Validation?
To seek validation is to authorize or wait on another for approval or acceptance. By this act, you transfer the authority of yourself to other people, which leaves you at the mercy, and control of another.
Any validation that does not come from you is an external form of validation. Although it is unhealthy and destructive, but you cling to it because of the ‘feel-good-ability’ it provides you.
This can range from career choice, to amorous relationships, body reconstruction, life style etc. It is pertinent to note that these examples of external validation sources, are not in and of themselves unhealthy, it is the motivation, which underpins them, that classifies them as such.
The end goal of any external form of validation is to feel good about oneself. However, this ‘value’ is unstable and destructive, because of its unhealthy nature of addiction. In other words, you feel empty and worthless without them.
One thing i have also noticed is that people often confuse self-validation for self-isolation or yet, an I-am-more-important-than-others syndrome. In this article, ‘signs that reveal you have inherent worth,’ i explained how a single spice cannot solely make a delicacy. Yet, this spice is very vital in the preparation of that delicacy.
So it is with self-validation, while you cannot operate as a sole entity in the journey of life, it is the thorough acceptance of yourself, that allows you to become a solid participant in the festivities of life.
Example of external validation
This is a very common form of validation. When a person lacks the ability to self-validate, they resort to pleasing people as a way to gain favor or approval from them. People-pleasing is often erroneously categorized as an endearing quality, but the motivation underpinning it does not allow for authenticity.
This is such that you lose control of your genuine voice and are constantly at the beck of external factors (human beings inclusive) to provide you a sense of worth.
People pleasing is very broad. It manifests in your lack of ability to say No, which affects various forms of your relationships.
It is important to note here that no one is born with a questionable sense of self, it is the nurture and lived experiences of a person that creates a skewed identity that is in contradiction with their true self. Experiences like emotional neglect, which is a form of abuse, can create a distortion on a person’s ability to accept their identity.
Why do I always need validation?
As I already previously explained, the quest for external validation takes its root in your one’s inability to generate their own sense of worth. And people who lack a genuine sense of worth, use external sources to fill the hole in their lives.
Below are some reasons why you always need validation from others:
At the root of every inability to self-validate, is self-hate. No one accepts or reveals what they naturally hate; it goes against the law of natural order.
When you transfer the approval of yourself to another, it signifies that you do not value yourself; often because you perceive yourself as worthless.
2. Provision Of A Sense Of Security
You seek validation to feel safe. One primal thing you need to take note of is the connection of the brain to threatening stimulus. Anxiety is at the root of insecurity. You cannot stand feeling rejected by another person. It is easy for you to reject yourself because you’ve never come to recognize yourself anyway.
However, the security that comes from external validation is fleeting. Therefore, you keep going back for a refill.
3. Rejection of Feelings
You seek validation because you disavow your own feeling. This takes its root in how your caregivers dismissed or rejected your authentic feelings in infancy. Hence, you learn to treat your feelings as something shameful when it rears up.
Ultimately, your authentic feeling directly represents you, and if you do not accept your feelings, you cannot accept yourself.
4. Distortion on your sense of self
Obscurity on your identity leads you to seek constant reminder on who you are. Note that the identity is only blurred or distorted because of your lack of awareness on the use of your emotions.
To provide this valid sense of self, you often seek achievement in order to feel relevant and see yourself in a certain way. Some others use control or power to achieve this. However, these never truly provide them contentment, instead, it becomes a shallow substitute for the genuine solution.
This brings us to last part of this article. I will outline practical tips you need to take focus on, in order to stop seeking validation. If you follow this pointers, you will well be on your way to enjoying self-validation.
How Do I Stop Seeking Validation?
For a genuine self-validation to be in place, you must unlearn to relearn that which leads to self-growth.
1. Self validation requires you to accept your opinion
Often, the best judgments are spontaneous. Your opinion springs from your authentic feeling that is devoid of any external influence.
Before you get to the point where you disregard your own opinion because you do not place value on the source, understand that the source (you) is as valuable as those from whom you seek your approval.
Always remember, that you are distinct from the other person, and your uniqueness lies in your individuality. Tossing your likes and dislikes aside for another person’s, is like putting yourself up for a bargain.
2. Accept your feelings
When you free your feelings, you free yourself. Do not be afraid to listen to your feelings, it is structured to highlight your needs. These needs among many others, can also be the erroneous perception that you hold about yourself.
Therefore, in listening to your feelings, you are able to see your perception and change it.
Your emotion is a powerful tool in your self-validation journey; it unequivocally teaches you how to validate yourself. Never disapprove of it, as understanding it will make all the difference.
Tossing your likes and dislikes aside for another's is like putting yourself up for bargain.Click To Tweet Tossing your likes and dislikes aside for another’s is like putting yourself up for bargain.
3. Be Your Own Best Friend
Do you know how you naturally treat your best friend? Turn that inwards, check up on your yourself. Put yourself first. Give yourself a treat. Nurture your own needs.
It is never selfish to put yourself first. The benefit is in both your interest and that of the other person. While it is also healthy to have a great social circle, make sure you are as responsible for yourself as they are towards you. Or you slip into the den of self-neglect, which paves way for external validation.
Self-responsibility, builds your inherent capacity for self-growth. Its consistency grooms you towards self-validation.
4. Accept every phase of your life
In boundary, it is against the rule to reject another in times of struggle and desire to associate with them in times of prosperity. So it is with the journey of self-validation; it is impossible to grow out of the struggle phase if you do not accept the journey.
Never compare yourself with another person because your journeys and paths are different. And likely, your destinations are different.
Albeit, this is not where you want to be, acceptance leads you to see what you need to fix definitively, in order to get on the path or destination you desire.
Overall, acceptance places you on the path to your destination.
Struggle is universal; it is the addendum of every learning process. The difference is in what you make of it: do you let it bring you down or do you grow with it?
5. To validate yourself, you must respect your own boundaries
Now you understand the root of your inability to self-validate, it helps you know the sources of influence and ways to prevent them.
Set a target for yourself. List out the things you must not continue doing to yourself and how you intend to achieve them.
Here are some self validating statement examples: “I will not neglect myself anymore.” Or “I will listen to my own opinion first.” “I will not keep allowing [insert the source of influence you want to eliminate].”
What this does is that it makes you accountable to yourself and helps you create a conscious effort to validate yourself.
Although you might struggle with this in the beginning. However, be kind to yourself. Rinse and repeat until you get it right.Self-validation is not a war against yourself. It is a war against your misconceptions and you are powerful against them. Click To TweetSelf-validation is not a war against yourself. It is a war against your misconceptions, and you are powerful against them.
Self validation is an art. Its either you live by it, or you live by other people’s design.
To validate yourself successfully, you need to understand that you are capable of providing for yourself, that value you seek in other people. This accurate insight helps militate against any automatic quest to seek other’s approval. It also ensures you move in the way that leads you to accept your true self and grow consistently.
It might take a while to get to your destination, but if you truly follow these tips, you will surely beat this.
How do you want to see yourself? It is okay to seek feedback from people, from time to time. Living for that feedback is where the problem lies.
I hope you followed along. I really would like to see you live a wholesome life. Do you have any questions on this topic? Do well to drop them in the comment section and i will be sure to respond.