Anger as with every other feelings, exists to inform one of his or her needs or unsolved problems. As with a child who exhibit behavioral outbursts using his feeling of anger, such behavior is often preceded by the feeling of difficulty and confusion. This development begins from inception, and spirals into something explosive if unattended. Here are ways child neglect affect a child’s behavior.
This piece is informative to guide you on your relationship with your child. Especially those ones with such outbursts, and also proffer solutions on how you can manage those behaviors.
1. He gets overwhelmed with his feelings
When children feel feelings, it is the responsibility of their caregiver to decode the information, and in turn help them deal with the ensuing challenge or need. However, when it is often assumed that such child is being a mischief and misfit, the child becomes overwhelmed with his feelings and is unable to relate with it.
Behavioral outbursts are the result of being inadequately equipped to deal with their own feelings. This naturally erupts from their attempt to conceal them. Remember, feeling is never what anyone can cause to exist. It is an experience that happens to the person; an information the person receives.
2. He is not being heard
When you, as a parent or caregiver, clamp down on a child’s feeling. The child also learns to clamp down on his or her feeling. Here, you have successfully communicated to the child that feelings are not something you should accept or welcome; it is something wrong; something without any value. Therefore, the child learns to loathe their own feelings each time it surfaces; and in loathing their feeling, they loathe themselves.
Behavioral outbursts is often a way to communicate their hatred towards their feelings, which directly represent the child. It then infer that they loathe themselves too for the same reason.
More so, for the reason that the need the feeling highlights is unresolved, they regurgitate the same challenge. A child feels unheard whenever you clamp down on his feelings, therefore, they take to outbursts to communicate their frustration which has culminated into hatred. An unheard feeling is an unheard problem, which as a matter of certainty, will show up in myriad of ways.
3. He feels a disconnect with both his feelings, and his caregiver
Every child desires and deserves a level of connection with other human beings. This is the primary way they learn to relate with other members of the society in constructive ways. When a child’s feeling is dismissed, he or she feels a disconnect with their feeling and in turn themselves. Also it mitigates their ability to connect and relate with their caregivers in meaningful ways.
Consequently, rather than strengthening the part of the brain needed for connection, the child neglect he suffers, causes it to wither due to inactivity or relegation. This is often the reasons behind a child’s behavioral outbursts. They can neither relate with their own feelings nor with their parents or caregivers.
It is important to know that a disconnect in feelings, is a disconnect in a person. This is such that the child or person is unsettled. Moreover, because of the feelings that have been declared unreachable they are unable to resolve the problem. Unfortunately, it creates more disconnection.
4. He Is indirectly crying out for help
This is a very tricky one. Especially if you are at the receiving end of these outbursts. As feelings are means for receiving information about a need, behaviors are means for communicating information about a need. In this stance, the difficult behaviors are communicating their need for help. No child chooses to behave poorly, no matter how you feel about it. It is more frustrating for them, than it is for you. They do not want to be the one singled out or shamed for bad behavior at all times. However, these difficult behaviors are a secret cry for help; behaviors that scream, “help me!”
If as a parent, you are emotionally uneducated, you will be unable to pick this subtle signs as they develop. Their discomfit is a way they seek for connection with you, the parent or caregiver. It is also the result of the development going on in the brain. This connection-seeking phase often misconstrued for attention seeking is something every child must undergo at different times of his or her development. Sadly, they often are dismissed for various reasons.
To connect with your child, begin to pay attention to his communication; both verbal and body language? And watch how he opens up like a new leaf.
5. Child neglect affects brain development
This is a typical reason that often leads to frustration for the child. Just as other previously discussed steps, a child is more disconnected with his feelings and self when he does not receive the connection he seek. This connection is often manifest in his needs (feelings) being met. In the event of child neglect, which is a form of abuse, the child’s frustration intensifies, and he is unable to control the outcome.
Child neglect often leads to poor development of the brain, which as explained earlier, is also another reason for a child’s frustration .
It is not too late to strengthen a child’s brain. When you begin to connect with your child, that part of the brain regenerates. You can begin today to replace neglect with connection. When a child is able to connect with others effectively, he is less likely to see others as a threat.
The moment a person develops an inaccurate perception or understanding of a thing, he or she is most likely, unable to relate with the thing in a constructive way. This is such that the one who seeks the relationship is frustrated and gets to the point of breaking up with themselves. Parents often confuse exhibition of feelings for weakness. Therefore, they erroneously clamp down on a child’s feelings in order to dissuade further attempts to indulge in ‘weakness.’ This creates problem for the child as explained above and as such, create problem for the society as well.
When a child is able to relate with their feelings and resolve the ensuing problems, they learn to solve their own problems. This builds their capacity and strength; reinforce their independence; which makes them want to involve more actively with life. However, when a child is disconnected from their feelings, they become boxed. Notably so, how can they learn to solve problems? They become dependent on others for the least means of survival.
Truth is, you cannot have it both ways; it is either your child is a problem solver, or a problem creator. The onus is on you to choose. As a parent, you have to show a dedicated level of consistency and support. Every child feels calm when he perceives the other is not a threat. Be calm when you communicate with your child. This helps them let down their guards and also want to reciprocate. Although it is not a given that he will discontinue the outbursts immediately. You need to exercise enormous amount of patience to achieve this.