While this is often a difficult concept to grasp and abide by. it is important you understand that boundaries exists so that you concern yourself with things that are naturally within your power and authority to control. It is not a means to control another but yourself. This implies that in controlling your own self, you do not disrespect yourself or violate another person. In essence, you need boundaries for a successful life.
Let us explore the reasons why you need these boundaries to be successful. This will help to review your own life and see where you have been failing in this aspect. Also highlighting what you can do to have a successful life, using boundaries.
1. Boundaries As a Key To Your Success
Boundaries are the real reason why people have houses with a barricade, a door and a lock. These things ensure that whoever attempt to have access is invited or given permission. Your life is your house. Your door stands as a protector (a boundary) from an intruder. This infers that whomever you do not approve of, cannot have access to your house-which is a representation of your life. In addition, if all else fails, you have the key to lock it from inside.
Note that this key is your firm step and decision to keep anyone who violates your boundary from gaining entry.
Imagine having a house and constantly experiencing exasperation because strangers access your house willfully. Why is it your house? Your boundaries exist to keep you at peace in relation to other people, and also to keep you safe. Do what you have to, to re-establish those boundaries. Use your keys always. Your life belongs to you. Often these boundaries are flagrantly violated for variants of cultural reasons. However, if such persists, how can you function effectively with the life you have?
2. Without boundary, there will be chaos
Like any physical boundaries, it is in existence to prevent anyone from being cheated out of another. This is such that it fosters cordiality among individuals rather than violence. When you understand and respect other people for who they are, even though it is not in line with who you would prefer them to be, it means you are honoring the boundaries around you. Stepping out of that boundary to try to ‘adjust’ them into who they are not or your choice of them, will be greet with resistance. In essence, this resistance in itself is a sign of a violation of their own right as individuals.
Although sometimes, there is a silent resistance which registers as resentment; breeding a cold war between the individuals. However, it is not in any way short of a representation of violation. To avoid this war, you must learnt to allow each person be their own unique selves. This way, you do not interfere in their own boundaries. You also honor them, by that singular act.
3. Boundaries announce each person as valid in themselves
This as with the previous step is a pertinent reason why boundaries are needed for a successful life. Here we discussed the reasons why you need yourself to succeed. It explains how your capabilities, choices and preferences are all an addendum to the person that you are; your voice. When you ignore or dismiss the concepts that make up your identity, you allow other people fluster into your own valid space in the way that is unacceptable to you.
This will lead to the clamping down of your own identity, which is the only tool that measures your genuine self. More importantly, this genuine self is what you provide, in order to pave way for your success.
Putting in the necessary work you need to get to the point where you can uphold your identity without fear is paramount. In this case, anyone who comes along sees it boldly and would rather think twice before violating it. Here I would also add that parents teach children how to own their voice. Not by what they say, but by how they respect them when they reveal or express their own identity. Your attitude towards them teaches them to either uphold (reveal) it in the future, or conceal it.
4. Boundary promotes peace
This posits that when you see the boundary you have around yourself, you will be able to content yourself with what you possess- your power and authority over yourself. This will in turn breed honor and respect towards yourself, as well as towards other people. And as always, the end goal is peace. With this, you are at peace with what you have within your control, and understand that other people govern their own selves, within their own control as well. Failure to understand this puts you in a constant go, at other people.
That said, I cannot talk about this without addressing the lopsided view on peace acquisition. Ignoring people when they violate your boundary does not interpret that you are peace loving. It means you do not place value on yourself, and as such cannot teach others to honor or respect you. Also, it is in fact necessary that you understand that peace derived at the expense of peace is nothing but tyranny.
The focus on this article is not just in highlighting the need to place this boundary on yourself in order not to violate or manipulate another. It is in fact also necessary that you understand you are also a stakeholder as it relates to the topic of boundary. As with many other reasons for boundary, it exists in order that you honor yourself. It is in honoring yourself that you can prevent yourself from manipulating another person. And also prevent another from violating you.
This is such that you have an unbiased understanding of this concept and are able to serve it in the right proportion.
You have as much stake in this as the other person. More importantly, you have a stake, first. See the value that you are, and you can effortlessly apply boundaries where and when appropriate. Ultimately, as a guarantee, your boundaries will lead you to be successful.