In this article, we shall be looking at how to rid yourself of Emotional Disorder. But first, a quick look at what it is. Emotional disorder arises when a person has an inaccurate perspective about his or her feeling, self and life in general. This singular erroneous perspective goes on to inform the person’s thought, behavior and life choices if there is no genuine intervention. It is also worthy of note that many people irrespective of their age and class live with this erroneous certainty but are quick to debunk it, because they have enough distractions to keep them from looking inward and making the necessary adjustment.
That out of the way, let’s look at how you can undo the fundamental core belief at the root of emotional disorder.
Understand The Root of Emotional Disorder
Emotional disorder takes its root from the message in your parents’ attitude towards your feelings when you were yet to understand how the world works. This message is one of rejection and dismissal whenever you emote. It was reinforced using consistent rejection, which taught you that your feelings are inherently shameful and worthless. Therefore, you quickly learn to hide your authentic feeling for fear of rejection or dismissal. Once you understand this step, you would understand how to rid yourself of emotional disorder.
This subtle, but profoundly harmful attitude of your parents led you to adopt two erroneous core beliefs:
- My feelings are inherently irrelevant and shameful
- I myself I am inherently irrelevant and shameful, with no worth at all- This is the result of the first distorted ingrained belief, because each time you revealed your authentic feeling, you revealed your authentic self and each time your authentic feeling was rejected or ignored, your authentic self was dismissed alongside.
Find Out How The Disorder Got There
Emotional disorder came into existence for you when your authentic feeling and self, got rejected and ignored each time you revealed your genuine self. Therefore, your little soul learnt that your feelings are naturally a stench to be revealed. Your indisputable source of information- your parents- taught you so. Therefore, you walk around life informing your decisions from this two distorted fundamental belief about your feelings and self. Your feeling exist to highlight your needs or unsolved problem. It is neither good nor bad, right nor wrong.
Reject The Erroneous Fundamental Certainty That You Live With
People who live with this certainty: that they and their feelings are inherently worthless, loathe themselves. They are never content with themselves, and it is no surprise that they find it difficult to relate with other people. For those who seemingly get along without any obvious problem, they have gotten very good at acting all their lives. This is such that their invented self now trumps their real self. This in itself is a big problem because the person cannot genuinely be his or her true self. As long as they keep up with the facade that they present, they continue to wear a mask.
When you look again, you realize it is also a way they have learnt to cope with the pain that their true self brings. Understanding what is at the root of emotional disorder and seeing how it got there, brings you to a place where you can see the real picture and then reject the lie you have adopted, using your new and current understanding. This is because; you cannot change what you cannot see.
Replace It With The Accurate Information
This takes consistent effort and grit. For that erroneous perception to take their root in your formation, there was a consistent reinforcement from your your immediate caregivers. They invalidated your feeling every time you revealed it for you to adopt that erroneous belief. That is emotional abuse. Now that you have been able to see the root clearly and reject it, it is time to replace it with accurate information. This information entails what your feelings genuinely represents and what you are.
Your feeling exists as a pointer to your unsolved problems and need. Take a distressed child as an example, he cries when he is hungry. Hence, the distress he feels is communicating to his immediate caregiver, that there is a need that is unmet. So it is with you as an adult. You feel because you have a need that needs attention. Take any feeling as a case study. On the other hand, you have an inherent value because you are a human being. It is not dependent on what you achieve or do not achieve. Instead, it is just there because you are a person at all.
When you invalidate and reject a child’s feelings, he or she gets to believe that their feelings are something inherently wrong and inappropriate. This is because if it were not so, their parents would have done otherwise. Moreover, he or she believes that they are inherently worthless and a stench to be around. Hence, they learn to hide their genuine feeling and self, for fear of attracting the wrath of other people. This becomes a subconscious belief that the person informs his or her feelings and life from. Now that you understand the accurate information, you can go on to discard and replace the inaccurate one.
Keep Undoing It
Between a young plant and a tree which has a better chance at easy uprooting? The young plant of course. This is because you can easily see and undo it. Given the consistent reinforcement during childhood, you have affirmed and reaffirmed it using your consistent experiences. Your consistent undoing of this root helps you change in a gradual way, the core belief. Until you completely replace them with the accurate information. However, until then, you have to keep putting in the mental work. This is a practical process to rid yourself of emotional disorder, and explore your full potential as a person.
Emotional invalidation, as subtle as it is often perceived, is a very destructive act that goes on to disrupt any chance at a stable or normal life throughout the life of the person living with it. The disorder is easily transferred from one generation to the another, using inaccurate information. And it is normalized under the code of culture. It is pertinent to also note that it is one of the disorders that are primarily responsible for depression and anxiety. It is possible to rid yourself of emotional disorder. This is one mayhem that has the capacity to prevent one from genuinely living a full life.
The information on this website is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice or care. Individuals should always seek their health care provider or licensed psychotherapist before doing anything which they believe to be suggested or indicated herein. An application of the material on this website is at the reader’s discretion and is the reader’s sole responsibility.