Everyone hurts. Everyone bleeds. Sometimes you can genuinely care about other people but your behavior is in direct contradiction with what you say or desire and this goes over and beyond in hurting other people. Even when you attempt to make amends, your efforts end up further damaging them, rather than thoughtfully reaching out to them. This article highlights how you can avoid hurting people further in your bid to make amends.
The Dynamics Of Pain
Pain is something different people deal with differently. Therefore, some people find it confusing when certain things they do not expect to cause fury, would make others tick. This is particularly because the lens with which another uses in interpreting a situation is different from yours. However, the interpretation of various situations using various lenses, does not exonerate you from your mistakes or offenses towards another.
Hurting people deal with a pain they cannot see which makes it difficult to relate with them. You cannot see it either, therefore, it would be undermining if you brush it off as nothing. Just because you do not see the depth or that it does not meet up to your standard of pain, does not make it less impactful. Hurting people hurt others, this is because they did not attain healing nor processed their pain.
When you hurt someone, allowing them process their feeling in their own way, is a sign that you not only feel remorse, but that you respect and value the person.
While you may have offended them, you might as well avoid being in their way of owning their feeling. When you prevent another from owning their authentic feeling, you suffocate them. Do not tell them how much they should allow themselves to feel and when to stop. You might be crushing them if you do and this would further put a strain on your relationship.
WAYS TO AVOID HURTING PEOPLE FURTHER
Acknowledge That You Have Hurt Them
Acknowledging and accepting your wrong takes the hurt person from a point of rumination and self-blame to a place of peace. Then they are able to adequately process their hurt safely and peacefully within themselves. Self-blame creates a hollow of deep sadness that if not well-handled, can grow into depression. It is important to avoid accepting responsibility as a way to fulfill all righteousness, but from a place of thoughtfulness and authenticity. This would aid your victim heal nicely.
Some people find it hard to admit their mistakes for fear and shame that it would highlight them as someone inherently wrong. Some also avoid it for the erroneous reason that it projects them as a weakling. For this reason, it is imperative to know that your mistakes do not define you. What defines you as a person is your willingness (or not) to own up to your mistakes. This is the representation of your goodness or badness.
Do Not Pressure Them To Accept Your Apology
Allowing people process their feeling in their own way is a huge sign of respect. It might be hard on you, but it shows the other person that their feeling is valued and placed on a premium. This does not guarantee that things would go back as normal. Instead, it helps your victim figure out what would be in the best interest of their healing. This is ultimately in the interest of you both on the long run.
Work Towards Avoiding A Repeat.
While the first step to genuine remorse is acceptance, the second focuses on your willingness to work on yourself. This enables you to see clearly what precipitated the hurt. In doing this, it also fosters healthy relationship with your victim- if possible- in the future. It would also govern the way you subsequently build your relationship with other people.
The above listed steps help you demonstrate genuine remorse cloaked in acceptance and willingness. Bribing your way through your relationship with another is a clear sign of manipulation. Even if the other does not see it, the damage it brings on the long run is inexorable.