It’s amazing how life throws curve balls at us and how we try to dodge our way out of these balls. Unbeknownst to us, we create an imaginary ‘favorable reality’ for ourselves. This preferred choice of our reality is a creation of our imagination, a desperate attempt to be in a ‘better’ place and not continue to dwell on, think of, or face the spiking thorns of our reality. This is majorly because we do not have the insight required to solve, or face the consequence of this reality we live in. Here, we will look at some glaring but obscure signs that reveal you are avoiding your pain.
Because human is in a constant search for means to relieve themselves of their woes- this is specifically true if the person is oblivious of the denial he or she stews in- they indulge in varying shades of escape mechanism. This is often highlighted in the frantic attempts to ‘shut the noise’; ‘quieten the mind’; ‘have euphoria’; ‘block out the pain’;– signs of the never ending unhealthy desperation of the person to never again deal with the pain.
However, all these are palliative measures that can only worsen the pain. The pain remains and festers in every area of the person’s life, causing decadence, spreading like cancer and causing more pain for the sufferer and the people around him or her. Nevertheless, it takes an insightful person to understand that for a genuine relief from such pain, getting to the root to uproot the source of the pain is expedient.
These are sure signs that you are desperately avoiding your pain:
In the case where you choose a palliative means of relief from your pain, over the panacea, you are likely at the risk of distraction. This distraction is well rooted and vast in eliciting an immediate good-feeling. These are escape mechanisms- anything but the reality. They are things or persons you habitually hang on to, as a means to provide the escape you desperately desire.
By these means, you subconsciously seek to indulge in an activity that brings you momentary pleasure or escape from the reality. Just to mention a few:
- Excessive Talking
- Binge Eating
- Indulgent Exercise
All these are in and of themselves, not inherently bad, rather, it is the motivation that underpins them which defines them as distractions. Unfortunately, the effects are short-lived and never really rid the pain.
Once the effects of any of the palliative measures wear off, the person goes back for more. This hitherto, creates a pattern; a pattern that they would vehemently cling to, for the rest of their lives- if not addressed. Unbeknownst to the sufferer, this without a doubt becomes an addiction. A pattern which tears them apart and drives them deep in the bubble of self-destruction. Emotional pain is unarguably the most dangerous of all kinds of pain due to its self-destructive inherent nature.
You Indulge In Chasing Happiness
Chasing happiness is an illusion. Addiction can take the shape of what you do to bring you happiness. What would life look like without the things you attach your happiness to? Your achievements, affluence, etc. These are not able to find you genuine happiness or contentment. Instead, they present you with a fleeting and shallow substitute. This inferior substitute is such that when the euphoria wanes, you want to keep up with the spade of chasing more of it, in order to attain the previously lost or another level of happiness. This is a clear indication of false reality in disharmony with life.
When you live in denial, you create a facade and immerse yourself in the thought of that perceived choice of reality. Since the mind is set on its ‘valid perception of reality’, it chases after the things that can provide it with that state of illusion. The person does this, in an attempt to reach a place of ‘false’ peace with oneself.
Happiness achieved from external sources is never genuine. Ultimately, it wears out in no time. In events when the sources of the happiness- whether a person or thing- is in short supply, the person quickly leaps on to another or increase their supply factor. This consequently, leads to core addiction at the outlay of self, and the need to continually expand and demand for more, as it relates to the external factors providing the temporary relief.
In dealing with the harsh realities of life, acceptance is a pre-requisite for survival. This way, you do not dwell on a wishful thought pattern (illusion), instead:
- First, you understand that the reality is what it is. Accept the feeling that it generates, listen and process the pain. This brings you to a place of total surrender and freedom from fighting what you cannot control.
- Troubleshoot to find out where the pain originates from and accept that you cannot change the past.
- When you come to terms with what has happened, it allows your mind to come into a space where you can constructively think of genuine solutions to deal with the problem that you face.
Denial forces you to cover up the pain you feel, and this in turn, keeps you from taking any meaningful step to deal with the information the pain relates to you. Thus, creating an unending cycle of avoiding your pain.
The Reality Of Pain
Pain is a consequence of hurt; a hurt that is entrenched in incision. Equivalently, hurt is borne out of our experiences. A pain-inflicted mind is an opulence of chaos; a plague to itself and the community. In essence, pain undetected is addiction and obsession familiarized. When overwhelmed, and in the interest of survival, the survival instinct is activated and the person scampers for ways to escape from the reality (pain) facing him or her.
The best way to live and enjoy life with all its thorns is by just be(ing) and accepting every feeling.