The erroneous effect of institutionalized socialization is captured in the life of every human being- man or woman. Relationships of various forms take the structure of the fender and receiver kind of balance. The woman feels entitled to be ‘cared for’ by the man, or to receive from the man. While the man feels entitled to ‘provide for’ the woman. When each subject falls short of the socially instituted expectation, there exists rivalry that is often disguised as incompatibility. This entrenches the erroneous perception of the pre-assigned role every man/woman exist with.
Socialization being the adoption of the behavioral patterns of the surrounding culture, is one that is hereditary in nature. Suffice it to say, it is a system that dates back to the medieval times. When hunting and gathering was the order of the day. The men go out to hunt and fight wars- these were the predominant occupation of the men- leaving the women to birth children and take care of the home. This was before human began having settlements wherever they conquer. As a result, an unwritten constitution took effect, forming the institutionalized socialization as we have it today.
HOW DO WE CHANGE THIS FUNDAMENTAL ERROR?
So how do we change this erroneous fundamental perspective interpreted as “nurture” in the life of both man and woman.
- It is by having a deep and thorough understanding of how we as a people got here in the first place.
- Understanding where this disgruntled understanding of the human person stem from?
- Understanding how has it been able to transcend generations despite the civilizations?
Just like the subconscious, this erroneous effect of socialization is transmittable, consciously or unconsciously. The woman is nurtured to know that she should not work hard as such because she would depend on the man. She is expected to be the one who the man should provide for. That in turn, creates a subconscious belief that she is expected to achieve less, to protect the man’s ego.
The man on the other hand, has been nurtured to believe that he is expected to provide for the woman or he is considered unequal. For the man, this nurture subconsciously brings up the feeling of inadequacy when he sees a woman who “has it all”. One who would not have any reason to depend on him financially or otherwise. He feels that his ‘role’ or ‘authority’ as some would like to put it, is threatened.
The man sees himself as less because the core of his existence is encapsulated in being a fender. In effect, this always ensures for crisis.
The panacea for this erroneous institutionalized socialization is in the nurture of every male and female child. It is not in instilling in men the fear of women, nor in women the fear of men. Rather, it is in paying attention to the formation of each child- boy or girl. Raising each child to know that they have inherent worth irrespective.
This is basically achieved through the validation of each child’s feeling. This is because a child learns about their inherent nature through their feelings. Feelings are what communicate their needs to them. Dismissing a child’s feeling is your way of communicating to the child that their feeling has no value and that therefore, they themselves are worthless. This results in the male and female child growing up to erroneously believe that they lack value in themselves.
When a child is able to have a secure foundation of what they inherently are, no one has to teach them not to undermine others. The woman does not need to permit any treatment less than what she deserves as a human being. This non-negotiable avoidance of ill-treatment bases on her view of herself as a person and her inherent worth.
The male child on the other hand is able to have a secure and safe foundation and view himself as inherently worthy. He would not need to fill a prescribed role to feel some sense of self. Nor would he need to fulfill a social obligation to feel complete. He would see himself as complete first and hence not be threatened by another human being.
To recreate the order that we need for existence, each person has to ask a question tailored for them alone, “How did I get here?” “What is it in my nurture that formed the foundation perspective of my life?” It is only in answering that question correctly that we can be able to reset the factory button of our life. And by default, the factory setting of the world.
Socialization is an inheritance bequeathed to every human being. In it, every individual with their distinct personality, colors the world with their nurture/experience/thoughts/actions.